Dude my mom stole all your condoms
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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