How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
