i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My ass is underappreciated
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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