My sheets look like a crime scene.
My hand turned me down
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
