hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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