just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
