He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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