forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
