forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
