i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
