How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
