I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
