yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize