i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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