just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
