Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
