Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
