when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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