The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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