and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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