I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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