Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Never joke about your clitoris.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
