This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
