I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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