i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
