just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
