Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
