The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
