you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
wow bdsm is so cute
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
