i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
