if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
