in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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