I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
