I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
do nipples grow back?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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