Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
