Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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