nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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