Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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