Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
