my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
