Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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