this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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