that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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