Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
