I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you never un-have a 4some
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
