I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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