i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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