i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
