seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
