i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
