How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
