I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
