to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
