Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
