You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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