I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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