I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
