you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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