One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
