Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
