I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
