Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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