My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
