It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
