She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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