I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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