It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
