Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
