it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
