You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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