Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
