Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
