ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
